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I wrote this a few years ago. Not sure what was going on in my mind. I don’t think I ever shared it with anyone. 

There are some days when I have, “It’s a Wonderful Life” syndrome. The feeling of wishing I was never born and wondering what the world would be like without me. I know I’m not alone with this feeling. I’m sure many of you have thought the same thing. Life can do that to you and often it serves as a reset button, wake up call, or a moment to stop, take a deep breath and push forward again.

When these moments occur, I look upon them as test. A test of will power. Will I go on with determination? Will I stop and give in to defeat? Nine times out of ten, I stubbornly go on, determined to achieve whatever it is I set out to try. I use the word try because until we actually take the time to try something, we can’t say we succeeded at anything. So the first step is to try.

The other aspect of this syndrome is the moment of reflecting on people I’ve met and the role they have played in shaping my thoughts about life and people. As much as I try to avoid dwelling on the negative energy some interactions can bring, I do acknowledge, accept, learn and try (There’s that word again) to move on from them. Some are more difficult than others, but I eventually get pass them.

Most importantly, I reflect on the positive energy I come in contact with. The people I have crossed paths with adding something to my life to make my pursuit of a goal a worthwhile endeavor. When I receive a thank you from them, I can tell it’s sincere. When I hear a word of encouragement, I can sense it’s coming from the heart.

We will never truly know what we mean to someone unless we are able to see what life is like without us. Yes, people can tell us, or try to show us, that we are important to them, that our presence does matter. But the truth is…we cannot really get it until it’s no longer there.

So we have to learn to appreciate the little things. Little things we take for granted. We have to become more aware of our actions. Are we focused more on what we want? Or do we try (There’s that word again) to balance our desires with those people important to us? I accept that it will never be a harmonious 50/50 split when it comes to the last statement, but making an effort often to not lead a completely self-centered life can make a difference.

Now that I have shared all of that with you, I can untie this large rock from my waist. Take care until next time.